Brushing of the past, with HOPE...

Hell yeah!! I was a bad person not worthy of any, but every man has his tale before judgement aroused. Once a man filled with sorrow, and need...need to be loved. Yet all I had was a false image of that fantasy, short yet it was a great run...as all humans will eventually realize their mistakes, I learnt from them. Yet a fear always engulfed the heart...of falling for the same mistakes again. But in love and life it has always been a gamble. The trust and emotions plays the most of them yet is it really our fault? is this mistake really ours to blame or can it be categorized as utter Betrayal? the betrayal of ones trust on that person. I thought for long, and the answer was clear....Hate. the total opposite of love, I learned to hate those who betrayed me, yet i did not seek vengeance, i did not wait for karma...but I know just that there will be a day when they would look upon me and regret their actions.  I have learned to hate....so easily one can be dropped from my ranks as the closest to my lowest. I do not forgive, I do not forget....I drove my anger and consumed my fear....fear of untrustworthy emotions, fear made me Hate the very foundations of humanity.

There's always a day when someone will eventually fuck you up so badly where you wish you could kill them with brick...well I have hurt many out of anger...late to realize that its a waste of effort and only prolonging the problem...but the satisfaction is undeniably GOOD. I became a man who choose to believe in words rather then actions due to my career path, But whats the point of verbally hurting them, when they don't change? let them go, and wash them of your life like they are a piece of garbage. Once a lover who would take a bullet for a girl...yet the bullet came from her itself. There will always be a time when a guy or girl would look back at their phone, see the name of their ex, as every memories of their time together flashes by...close their eyes and with a deep breath delete their ex name. There's this bloody truth about love...no matter how much you hate them, they still linger somewhere in your heart...a manufacturing defect of God himself.  

Yeah! I blame God....I wont deny I stopped believing in him before...I believed in the total opposite. Yes! I welcomed him without realizing the price I had to pay. In my silence and innocence he commanded, "dine with me, and behold I shall take back what has been deprived from you in their insolence shall be yours again forever" words of imaginary speech yet fruitful it was as it helped me realized another mistake. Where there is darkness there is always the light....shimmering in my life yet i walked its path and soon to understand my weakness...I AM HUMAN. I sinned by my lust and anger but i failed to realize there was always good surrounding me...My father, a few of my Good friends who have stood by my pain and suffering. I saw God....he came to me when i left him, he came to me when i was suffering, He came to me when i was finally beaten, he came to me even when I hated him, He came to me in the form of HOPE. 

Hope...it is the very foundation of being a human...no, it is hope that we life on. Hope of living, loving, caring, hope of humanity.....he showed it to me with the very reason i became a monster, He allowed me to sin, he allowed me to hate, he allowed me to curse and be filled with evil...knowing the day will come when I would fall on my knees again, he showed me the light where there was only darkness...he showed me my mistakes. He showed me my hope to move on and start fresh...He allowed me to wonder like a lost sheep without its shepherd, but he found me. He gave me all the worst, and he gave me the best when he thought i really deserved it. Yeah, he is there...God, he lives in everyone, he gave us the choice to choose in what we believe, good or bad, we are the reflection of god as he created us in his image, we can

choose to kill or choose to heal, he lives in us and does wonders through us.

A life i led once came crashing down, I was ignorant of  my ambition, my family and my life...irresponsible. It was a turning point for me after falling right down deep, and I stood back up...because I saw the light. thought I haven't reached it, i hope i will one day. I realized how futile it was to hate love itself...it always shows its way back into you...I began to love another. Only then i realized i could forgive the people for the betrayal they have done...because in the end...i am the winner, I loved a better person...I became the better man, I could forgive them for making me the man i am today, with all mistakes and dreams realized. I am proud to say what I was...because what i am now it beyond comparable to what i was. I grasped my ambition and lived my dreams, I flew where none could reach...i flew where those who betrayed my trust cant imagine. for me that's the greatest punishment they deserve...to watch someone they put down so bad live a happy life without them. Now that is sweet revenge....

Life in my eyes is simple...As we are humans, me are bound to make the wrong choices and make mistakes...stand back up...learn and never lose hope. Forgive those who betray you, trust me its not worth your time even thinking about them, Betrayal leaves scars in your life, but scars that only make you stronger...Learn to love and live life....enjoy all the wonders life can give you. Do what you can to make those dear to you closer...because life is short, we life once, why not live a great one with no regrets.

I wrote this to remind my self of who I was, my mistakes and my past and how i brushed my past to what I have become....to stay true to my words.


....YoGa....